TWO WOUNDS

Dear Journal,  

This month, I had 2 wounds that were as different as they were similar. One happened when I mistook my thumb for a carrot while trying to make a salad, and the other happened to my heart when I heard a news that shook my world. 

They taught me that God speaks through our pain, that our pain always has a purpose with God, no matter how insignificant we think they are.

I never saw the both of them coming. I was just trying to make a salad for goodness’ sake! And how was I supposed to know that one bitter news would break me to pieces? Looking back, I wish I had paid more attention and stayed a little more alert. I would have been able to see that I was about to drive my finger under a sharp blade instead of the carrot, and also braced myself for the news that was getting ready to crush me.

The injury on my thumb rendered my left hand ineffective. I couldn’t do anything with it because of the pain. It bled at the slightest provocation; while the injury to my heart stole my joy and peace.

I was wounded on both accounts, and the sores weren’t pretty.

Mum treated my thumb wound by bathing it with spirit. It stung and I screamed. I didn’t know the injury was deep because there was a loose piece of skin that covered the depth of it. So after the first aid treatment, I delicately wrapped the finger with tissue and determined never to open it until it healed.  

My heart injury was much worse. The first aid treatment I did was crying for two days and hurling questions at God. Then I covered the injury with fake courage, convincing myself that it wasn’t that deep. So even though it still hurt badly, I ignored it, foolishly waiting for it to heal itself.

Dear journal, the way to heal from an kind of wound is to know and address what hurt you. You have to know how something was broken before you can determine how to fix it.

The wound on my thumb was only looking like it was healing, but anytime something came in contact with it, the bleeding would start all over again. It was the same for my heart wound. I pretended that it wasn’t that deep, but anytime I saw or thought about something connected to what caused it, it would bleed afresh.

Never run away from what hurt you. Apart from the fact that it’s a cowardly thing to do, old wounds have the ability to come back to haunt you in the future.

 If I covered up the wound to my thumb, it would get worse and grow into something beyond my control. Also, if I covered up my heart wound, it would haunt me forever. 

So I opened them up to the light of healing. The process was painfully slow and long, but it was worth it. I was able to see how deep they both were, and how much damage had been done. 

For my thumb wound, I discovered that it wasn’t only the flesh on my thumb that was affected. A good part of the nail had been sliced too. I no longer pretended it was not a big deal, because it clearly was. I faced the pain and allowed myself to undergo proper treatment. After a while, it began to heal, and it no longer hurt when I used it to do stuff.

But the story was not that straightforward for the injury to my heart.  

It was like a cancer that was spreading to every part of my being. Its tentacles wrapped itself around my thoughts, managed to dislocate my relationship with God for a while, restrained me from social activities, put a hold on my relationships with people, and snuffed out my appetite. I was gradually shutting down, and the only person that knew how bad it was, was God...

I wish I can write everything now, but my eyes are getting heavy. I’ll continue tomorrow. 

Goodnight journal. Don't ever forget that Jesus loves us.♥️