TWO WOUNDS (2)

Dear Journal,

Today was exciting. I read Lost and Found, by Sarah Jakes Roberts, and I can’t even explain how miraculous my reading this wonderful book is at this time of my life. 

I love how intentional God is about us. Even in times when it seems our pain has blocked or distorted our view of Him, He still reaches out to us through the most unlikely methods. Reminds me of a line in Cory Asbury’s Reckless Love. 

“…There’s no shadow you won’t light up, no mountain you won’t climb up coming after me…”

I promised I would tell you about my heart wound today.

You see, I needed answers to know what really caused it. It was growing into something I could no longer wish away, and assumptions were not helping. But the answers were not with me or with anybody else on the face of this earth. They were with the One person I was not exactly sure I was ready to talk to regarding the issue: God.

This was lesson number 1. Sometimes God allows certain things in our lives so that He would get our full attention. Our pain is never to drive us away from Him, but to Him!

Isn’t it funny how we’re always so obsessed with our pain that we never stop to think what God is trying to say to us? We try to heal ourselves.by consoling ourselves with things that hold no weight, or Scripture that wasn’t exactly what God was saying to us in that particular moment.

I learned to shift my gaze away from myself, and to God. Because as believers, it’s not really about us, but about what God is doing. You have to sacrifice your ‘self’ in your quest to know God’s will.

I wish I can tell you that it was all smooth sailing from that point, but the process was like a yo-yo. One day I felt so grateful to God for giving me perspective of my situation from Scripture, and five days later, I wondered if it was actually God I heard. One day I would be certain that God was with me in this, and twenty four hours later, my thoughts would drag me back into my past, reminding me of how bad things were. All of a sudden, I would forget the beautiful days that God had let me see. I would forget the laughter, the wins, the victories, the prayers I saw answered; and would begin to see flashes of the mistakes I made instead. In those days, I would feel the sting of rejection so badly, and it was hard to live with myself.

Just like Sarah Jakes Roberts says in her book, “If you aren’t careful, you’ll let your past talk you out of your destiny.”

Luckily, God gave me a Scripture to keep me going on the path to healing. I would normally change Bible verses every day, (much the way I change clothes) but I stayed on this verse for weeks, seeking answers and lessons from my past, but most importantly, the road to progress.

This was lesson number 2. I learned to STAY with God. 

It’s beautiful to pray every morning and jump out of your house ready to face the world, but it’s more beautiful to stay with God all through your day. It requires conscious effort, but it goes a very long way in the end. 

I learned to not just glance over Scripture I do not understand, simply because it was not making sense at the time, but to stay with it and ask God to shine His light as it relates to me.

Gradually, darkness began to fade away, fears began to erase, tears began to dry, and my confidence was restored.

God reminded me that I am not my mistakes, I am not my past, and most importantly, that one detour does not cancel the destination.

In this life ehn, follow God closely, and you’ll be alright.

Dear journal, to say goodnight, I’ll quote again from Lost and Found by Sarah Jakes Roberts (You should read the book, by the way):

“I don’t know if you’re lost right now or finding your way. But if the sun rises tomorrow, you have a chance to test the limits of God’s grace.”

It means that no matter how far you think you’ve gone down the wrong road, or how deep you’ve fallen into some kind of pain or depression, you have a chance to know the extent of God’s grace in making something beautiful out of your broken story, by reaching out to Him and STAYING WITH HIM.

Bloved, thanks for reading! What part of TWO WOUNDS touched you most? Tell me in the comments 🤗